Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Joseph Confronts Mary About Pregnancy

"Mary, I've been meaning to ask you something." (I must maintain my cool. I must maintain my cool.)

"Yeah, honey. Anything."

"Well, you've been looking rather...."


"Rather...pregnant. I didn't want to say anything, because I don't want to offend. But, the signs are unmistakable. Between your increasing appetite, your strange moods, and your increase in girth, I have begun wondering..."

(Oh dear! What do I do? What do I do?)

"I mean, I trust you, Mary. I really do. But lately I have gotten the feeling that there is this strange vibe between you and the neighbor, Ezekiel. I have seen the way you look at him, and after that last carpentry job, two of my colleagues were gossiping and... So, what's the deal."

(Oh, dear. He knows! He knows!! He has figured out that I am pregnant and that I am not the virgin he thinks I am. I have to lie. Act calm.)

"Joseph... I have, um, something to tell you. It's just hard to get the words out, so give me a second." (What do I do? What do I say?")

"Okay. As long as you tell me what is going on. Take your time, baby."

"I know it is not going to sound good, so I will just... I will just out with it. I AM pregnant, Joseph."

"WHAT? I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. And just think; I stood up for you. I told everyone that you were a good Jewish woman, despite the rumors. I should have known better."

"No. Joseph. I swear. It is not what you think. It is not what you think at all."

"What do you mean, Mary? How could it not be what I think? You are freakin' pregnant with some other man's child!"

(I got it! I know what to say! Thank you, God.)

"Joseph, listen. It is not Ezekiel's kid. It is, uh, God's kid! It's cool. It's God's kid! And you...(gulp)... thought it was Ezekiel's kid! Ha ha! What a thought."

"For real?"

"Yes. Yes. It is God's kid. God impregnated me in my sleep. He chose me to bear his only son! Ezekiel had NOTHING to do with it. It's all God!"

"What? That is great. That is the coolest. And just think; I thought that you were having an affair with Ezekiel. I thought that all of my friends, including those who claimed to eye-witness you holding Ezekiel's hand and kissing his face, were telling the truth. Wait 'till I tell them that they were wrong. Wait 'till I tell him that your baby is God's child, and not his."

"Yeah. They must have been mistaken. Maybe they just saw Ezekiel with a woman that just looked a lot - an awful lot - like me. I am sure that they did not see me with Ezekiel, especially at the party last week. That was definitely NOT me with Ezekiel. No sir. That must have been some other woman they saw."

"What? How did you know about the party? Are you trying to fool me?"

"No. The only baby I am carrying is God's; not Ezekiel's. We can test the baby's DNA if you don't believe me."

"DNA testing isn't around yet, Mary."

"Oh, you are right. You will just have to trust me, then." (Whew! I am glad he bought it.)

No comments:

Post a Comment